Is it time to stop buying Christmas Presents?

[Paul Monk]

Moneysavingexpert.com's Martin Lewis thinks so.

http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/20...tmas-presents/

It’s time for warm feelings, cotton socks and boundless joy – the festive season is approaching. Great swathes of shoppers will hit the nation’s high streets and e-tailers, gathering nick-nacks to gift to loved ones, friends and colleagues.


Yet I think it’s time to launch a manifesto to ban many Christmas presents. While it may seem curmudgeonly to prick this surface-level joy, this year, in the midst of the financial crisis, too many perceive the season of goodwill’s main purpose is a retail festival.

While I suspect the church isn’t boogeying in the vestries about Christmas commerciality either, my argument isn’t a religious one: it’s about the money moral dilemma Christmas, or Hannukah and Eid for that matter, raise.

My targets aren’t the parcels from parents or grandparents that sit under the spruces, it’s more the ever-widening circle of present buying people feel a need to fulfil. Let me set out my stall …

We’ve disconnected from why we give gifts.

The expectation of presents isn’t culturally exclusive to the West, anthropologists refer to it as ‘ceremonial gift exchange’.

Most common are gifts upon marriage or coming-of-age ceremonies and indeed, to my logic, this makes social and financial sense, as in effect it’s a form of prudent banking.

For example, when someone is young and starting out in married life, others give cash or gifts to them as a start up fund, which is a net inflow of goods.

As people age and tend to get more financially stable, they then give gifts to newlyweds, effectively paying the system back.

It’s actually an efficient method for society to focus cash where it’s needed.

Yet Christmas gift-giving outside the immediate family doesn’t work that way; rather than focusing cash where it’s used, we simply swap presents, so there’s no net movement of funds or goods.

It creates an unfair obligation on others.

At this point, many fervent gift givers will be spluttering over their wrapping paper. Their counter-argument, of course, is the pure joy of giving gifts; many thrive on this, and it can be hugely pleasurable.

Yet it’s important to think about the people getting the goodies. Generosity could actually be hurting the recipients, not helping.

By giving a gift to someone, or their children, you create an obligation on them to do the same, whether they can afford to do so or not. If that obligation is something they will struggle to fulfil, then you’re actually letting them down.


It mis-prioritises our finances.

Christmas gifts are often a ‘zero-sum’ game, where often people just give gifts of similar values to each other. It’s worth examining what this means in a dispassionate practical sense:

Sharon gives a £20 necklace to Violet
Violet gives £20 earrings to Sharon.
If we examine the net result then, in fact….

Sharon has spent £20 to get earrings
Violet has spent £20 to get a necklace.
Yet the problem here is Sharon’s loaded and Violet’s skint. Without the gift-giving obligation, would Violet have really chosen to spend her hard-earned £20 for a necklace?

Instead, perhaps she’d have bought food for her children, paid some bills, or put the money towards replacing worn out shoes.

In other words, Violet’s financial priorities have been skewed because of gift-swapping. She would’ve been better off if they had agreed not to give in the first place.


We give gifts that aren’t ever used.

Whether it’s a naff pair of socks from Aunty Joan or novelty mechanical breasts from your workmates, unused gifts are sent all the time to fulfil seasonal obligations.

We’re spending money on unneeded, unwanted and unused goods; that’s not good for our finances, and doesn’t help the environment, as it just clogs up landfills.

Yet there’s a stigma to suggesting not giving, and it’s not an easy subject to broach. To try to help, I had built a ‘No Unnecessary Present Pact’ tool at www.moneysavingexpert.com/prenupp which generates a nice email saying “I won’t buy a gift if you won’t” or alternatively suggests a spending limit.

Using an automated tool is deliberate, the recipient feels this is part of a wide spread philosophy, and not just you being tight.


Children aren’t born retail snobs .

While my concern isn’t really about parents giving their kids gifts, it’s still worth examining the message that can send out.

Aren’t we teaching them to overly assign happiness to material acquisition, and adding weight to advertisers campaign that it’s all about getting the latest toys.

Children aren’t born with the retail snobbery gene. While filming for GMTV recently about Christmas MoneySaving, we had two super cute wee children help by pretending to be overjoyed about getting gifts.

They knew the boxes were empty, but were still desperate to open them once the camera stopped. Surprisingly, when they did, their bright eyes were undimmed as they spent ages playing trains in the cardboard boxes… they don’t judge the quality of the gifts by the price paid, so why do we judge our genorisity to them by it?


‘Inflationary giving’ – a bad message for our children.

Unfortunately, school-age children do quickly become competitive, comparing who got what. By buying big gifts, you create pressure on other parents who, especially in these times, mightn’t be able to afford to compete.

This has created an explosion of gift-inflation, especially for older kids’ birthday or Bar Mitzvah parties, with parents competing to throw the best bash, leaving children of even well-off families struggling.

Sitting at a coffee shop recently, I overheard a 16-year-old trying to persuade her aunt to intercede with her parents so she could have a birthday limo trip around London, then out for dinner and an expensive nightclub with all of her friends.

When asked why, she named the other girls who’d done it, and that she’d look “stupid” if she didn’t do the same.


Add it all together – and I know there’s one word for this logic – Scrooge. Yet my aim isn’t to stop festive fun, but to challenge the blithe and habitual nature of gift giving. Many see it as a chore, a thing on the list to tick off. Is that really the point, does that help our pockets or our souls?

Spending time, physically making things others appreciate, or even just being more considerate is perhaps more in keeping with the real spirit of the winter festivals.

Done right, gifts can create real warmth, but it’s time to realise that, done wrong, it can hurt more than it helps. Perhaps the real gift is to release someone from the obligation of buying you a present?

I do think there are a few good points made there. Certainly Jody and I aren't getting each other presents this year.

[Philipnet]

For my Birthday last month I recieved a £10 WHSmiths card from my sister.

The last time I was in WHSmiths was a few months ago when I was spending a few quid on some stationery. I have almost no use for it.

I'm contemplating giving that back to my sister for Christmas .

[SiHart]

It's a very good and thought provoking argument.

Last year Steve's Mum and Dad decided against doing Christmas presents for everyone, and instead we did a lucky dip where we wrapped up lots of little things and put them in a box and took turns pulling stuff out of the box. It was great fun and we're doing it again this year.

Si xx

[Paul Monk]

Last year Steve's Mum and Dad decided against doing Christmas presents for everyone, and instead we did a lucky dip where we wrapped up lots of little things and put them in a box and took turns pulling stuff out of the box. It was great fun and we're doing it again this year.

I like this idea!

[SiHart]

Everyone had the added pleasure of batering for the presents they really wanted afterwards as well!

Si xx

[Philipnet]

The best presents I received are ones where I've had a significant input on them.
Like the bunch of James Bond DVDs, Sat-Nav and cordless/wireless headphones I've received over the last few years.

The ones I've hated are the silly/small presents which no one's run past me - like the 7 socks for each day of the week from my Nan (which I took back to the shop) the Dilbert calendar (which is showing October) and silly computer joke book that just wasn't funny.
I've also grown sick of sweets and chocolate - I have no self control with them and just end up binging on them .

My Uncle Dave and Aunt Lynn always get me something booze related - which always goes down well ;-)


I've reached the stage where silly little nick-knacks don't go down well. But that's all my Aunt's, Uncles and Grans (tend to) get me .


Anyway, I think I'll get off my soapbox and end my rant here.

This year all I want is money; it might seem like one hasn't put any thought into it but it will go towards the Netbook I'm after !

[Larry]

for me I find as I get older there is less and less that you actualy want and I think there are occasions when you use christmas as an excuse to get people to buy you some thing that you wouldn't normally of bought yourself or were in no paticular hurry to get.

I would certainly whole heartedly agree with the original where my brother and sister are concerned as they are so hard to get for if it was just left to me i'd give them both a £30 gift voucher for HMV and tell them to get on with it.

[Larry]

The ones I've hated are the silly/small presents which no one's run past me - like the 7 socks for each day of the week from my Nan (which I took back to the shop) !

socks are always a very usfull thing to get but why can't people just buy an ordinary plain pair of socks from Tesco.

[Stephen Morgan]

The best presents I received are ones where I've had a significant input on them.
...something booze related - which always goes down well ;-)

I've put in my requests for the odd DVD and some wine making equipment. Dropping strong hints as to what you want is the only way not to get the unwanted and unused gifts that get stuffed in the back of the drawer.
I've bought Viv a new coat, it's what she wanted, and we've bought Amy and Rob some clothes, we'll probably get something for their flat too, there'll probably be something they need.

[Captain Tancredi]

I think that part of the problem is that it's very easy to start with good intentions and being disciplined, but then in the weeks running up to Christmas, you see something else that's nicer because the earlier you start, the less choice you have.

Among my irritations are however:

-Festive items of clothing. What the hell good is a Christmas jumper or a pair of Christmas socks if there's only nine hours of Christmas Day left by the time you get it?
-My mother's habit of policing what I give other family members. Last year I bought my cousin and her household (boyfriend, my Uncle Chad, two children) a specially-made-up box of sweets from our local old-fashioned sweet shop, and I'd written the label out to everybody. I was made to write the label out again because she'd bought other bits for me to give to the children, so the present that had cost me about £12-15 had to be for my cousin because "otherwise I wouldn't be giving her anything".

I'm sure I can think of some others...

[Darren]

At this point, many fervent gift givers will be spluttering over their wrapping paper.

Yes, because the level of cynicism (and there seems to be alot in this thread) used by the author is disheartening.

The report is based overwhelmingly on economics and not much is time is given for other reasons to buy christmas presents. Love, kindness genorosity etc. I don't buy people presents and then expect a gift in return.
The idea that it can put pressure on cash strapped people is sound, but the old cliche -It's the thought that counts- is important and relevant. There is no obligation to buy presents of equal value in reciprication as the author seems to think, but just something to say you're thinking of that person. My sister, for example has two children to bring up and money is always tight so she can't spend a lot of money on others, but what she does buy is gratefully recieved.

The short answer to the report is that it's about the thought and spending what you can afford. If that's cheaper than what someone else spent on you, so be it and if the recipients are ungrateful you can save your money next year.

[WhiteCrowNZ]

Obviously for us moving to New Zealand, we've cut back on the whole circle of people we buy presents for. When between you, you have parents, grandparents, 9 nieces and nephews, 2 best friends, yeah you can see how this goes normally.

Instead this year we're sending home a DVD of our photos and videos of us, so people can catch up. I'm hoping people take it as a way we're trying to keep them up to date, and not some kind of smarmy and "look at us". We love living in Wellington, but it's not a magic bullet to all of life's problems to come overseas by a long stretch.

Present wise, we've bought Cameron a large lego set he wanted. And might collect a couple of small things. I'll be getting Collette a necklace of finest green, and hoping to get maybe a swimsuit for myself (one of these things you can swim in the ocean in) - which I'd be getting anyway.

[Alex]

It's the thought that counts- is important and relevant. There is no obligation to buy presents of equal value in reciprication as the author seems to think, but just something to say you're thinking of that person. My sister, for example has two children to bring up and money is always tight so she can't spend a lot of money on others, but what she does buy is gratefully recieved.

Absolutely. I put a lot of time and effort in to what I give to people, but I'm not concerned about what I get back - well, as long as it's something . With a few friends in the past we've done Charity Shop presents - and set a limit on how much we spend - and I think that's really cool as you can still end up with a couple of dvds / books / cds for the cost of less than half a brand new one, and of course a charity gets some money too.

That I'm addicted to charity shops and car boot sales has nothing to do with it all, of course. .

[davethesailor]

At my old work place I introduced a different version of Secret Santa which was a riot! Basically we all had to but a generic present that would be suitable for anyone for £10.00. The presents were wrapped up and placed in a pile. All the participants then draw numbers to determine the order in which they go (so if ten people are joining in write down 1 to 10 on individual slips of paper put them in a bag/box and you all choose a number). So then...
The person who drew #1 goes first and must open a gift from the pile.
The person who drew #2 goes next and has the choice of taking the gift opened by #1 or opening another gift. If #1's gift is taken player #1 must open another gift from the pile.
The person who drew #3 goes next and can either take #1's gift or #2's gift or open a gift. If player #3 takes an opened gift from player #1 or #2 then that player who is now giftless has the option of taking the other gift that was opened or opening a wrapped gift (they cannot take player #3's gift -- see rule 8).
Play continues as such with players either taking/swapping a gift or opening one.
When a gift is opened the round is over (you can't decide you don't like what you opened and decide to swap for something else).
Any single gift can only be swapped once per round.
Once the round for the highest number player has completed player #1 can swap gifts with any other player (there is no futher swapping after that).

It was a riot and such a laugh and I would recommend for any large work/family gathering!

Dave x

[Si Hunt]

It's an interesting debate. Personally, I resent buying presents for people when I actually struggle to think of something. The overwealming feeling is that they won't actually be bothered if they didn't get anything (or else if there was something they needed, I'd be able to think of it) and I actually feel the same, but we're both obligated to buy for each other.

My parents are a somewhat odd case. I actually enjoy buying for my Dad because he does a lot for me and I know stuff he likes. But he detests the 'commercial' aspect of Christmas and begs me not to! He always says not to get him anything!

My sister and Jim have this year declared they don't want to do the present thing, and I'm very happy about that! It's a real weight off my mind.

On the other hand, we (Simon & I) will always give each other gifts because it means a lot to us - the opening ritual, the fun of choosing and seeing if we can find interesting things to give to each other... and it's never a waste of money because in the run-up to Christmas we simply both stop buying CD's and DVD's and things. Even if we both got each other exactly what we would have bought individually, we've still spent no more between us than we would have done, plus there's the fun of the opening. Plus there's the added opportunity to buy things that perhaps normally we would have put off getting, as a treat. PLUS there's the chance to get things for the house or that we'll both use. So it works really well for us.

That said, apart from with Simon I'd be over the moon if they declared a nationwide ban on presents and everyone was even. I feel I've reached a point in my life where I can buy for myself anything I need, and it's other things, like being with family and good food, that I appreciate most at Christmas. Often, the hassle of presents and cards and things leaves you so stressed that you almost forget to enjoy the finer things about the season.

But it's different for everyone, I think that's the thing. I'm slowly brokering agreements with more and more people to cut down the presents I have to buy - this year I think it's just parents and inlaws and that's it (oh and little Daisy, who's a JOY to buy for!). So hopefully it won't be TOO stressed a Christmas for me this year.

Si.

[Pip Madeley]

I only buy presents for immediate family (that includes the missus of course) really, I go for a drink with everyone else, we celebrate by socialising They know money is tight so they don't expect, and neither do I...

[Larry]

Christmas will be exactly a year since my Dad,died and it's going to be once again a tough few days to get through and me personaly I'd just prefer to keep everything as low key as possible. But just like last year we have to make the effort for my young nephew Joel. It has really given me a lot of pleasure that despite being 5 years old he is already a big Doctor Who fan and this has made it so pleasing to buy for him. This christmas I've bought him a couple of new series dvd's and Rose, Martha and Donna action figures to go with the couple of new series dvd's my brother has got for him.

Because I almost never go to the pictures It makes it a bit easir for me to decide on what I want as if there have been any must see big film releases during the year I will wait untill it's released on dvd so i can get it as a christmas present.

[WhiteCrowNZ]

I think the one year anniversary of such a loss is always a tough time Larry, and can feel about as tough as the first time around.

[Larry]

I think the one year anniversary of such a loss is always a tough time Larry, and can feel about as tough as the first time around.

I think it's always much worse when a loved one dies within a week or so of christmas because I think it dose change your feelings of how to celerbrate it.

[WhiteCrowNZ]

I don't know - I do know it's harder to deal with something as upsetting as death during a period which is geared up to celebrate. When I was at university I heard my friend from school Nick died in the run up to Christmas, and it was kind of alienating.

But I also believe there is no "good time" to lose someone close to you.

[Captain Tancredi]

Different people cope in different ways- I used to work with somebody whose dad had died over Christmas, so he never really celebrated himself, but his mum's way of coping was to throw herself into doing a big turkey dinner with all the trimmings to keep herself occupied.

[WhiteCrowNZ]

I hope that last comment of mine didn't come out too harsh - I just mean I think grief is a devastating thing, and it doesn't get any easier. I have a friend who just commemorated the 5th year loss of their mother, and was saying she wished it wasn't so close to her birthday.

[Larry]

I hope that last comment of mine didn't come out too harsh - I just mean I think grief is a devastating thing, and it doesn't get any easier. I have a friend who just commemorated the 5th year loss of their mother, and was saying she wished it wasn't so close to her birthday.

not at all - but I think it's true to say that people if they have lost a loved one over christmas do tend to not want to celerbrate because the memories are to painfull so were just gratfull for my nephew Joel.

[Andrew Curnow]

I must say, I'd dearly love not to worry about buying presents. I'm certain that my parents, and Zel's, and my Aunt, would not be bothered at all if we didn't buy for them... but they always do for us, and I just would feel bad about it. Irrationally of course!

As long as I know what to get, I really like getting and giving presents, but it's when you end up with having to get something, anything, for people that I get irritable. My brother's pretty easy to buy for, as is Zel, but other people not so.

Anyway, as it is, we're only about six weeks away and we haven't yet given it one minute's thought so maybe this year will end up being a 'no present' year simply because we run out of time. Zel's a practising Scrooger, so the drumming up of enthusiasm is usually down to me. Oh dear...

[Stuart Wallis]

I must say, I'd dearly love not to worry about buying presents... Zel's a practising Scrooger, so the drumming up of enthusiasm is usually down to me. Oh dear...

Say no more!

This year would have been nicer if my cousin had a smile on her face, having just lost her mum, but there's presents money can't buy. If Christmas is about the presents that using the little grey cells can, fair enough and I'm all for that. I can't stand all this pressure on the public of start getting your presents and things in August, when your mind's on school holidays, and you've still got to get through the commercialised parts of Halloween and bonfire night on top of everything else. Strictly speaking, very strictly speaking, and I apologise in advance for upsetting anyone, if you're not a Christian, or if your equivalent isn't one of the ones that coincides with this time of year, if you can't find the love in your heart to show for the appropriate people, what's Christmas for? And why just the one time of year?

Ebenezer Wallis is studying Humbuggery at the University of Grimupnorth, Downside.